Recently, I've been trying to stay out of the public eye. Before today, I sure many of you were wondering were an attention whore such as myself could have disappeared to. Maybe it was that I've been preoccupied making further expansions to my corporate empire. Perhaps I was too busy filling legal paperwork, or worse, I was unpacking when found a library book from my first grade summer-reading list with an accumulated expense that not even I could pay off, and after weighing my options, I decided to covertly flee the nation.
But no. Luckily, that wasn't the case (I could have sworn I had returned that book decades ago). To be honest, I had many reasons to seclude myself. Not only do I have the grueling responsibility of devising a game plan for my upcoming term as the first-ever Minister of Commerce, but I've also been working towards "officially" revealing Costello Enterprises to the world. Sure, the name sounds threateningly official, but in the end, it comes down to my recently-discovered, deep-down desire to make science. History shows that many of the most important scientific breakthroughs were not devised, but discovered randomly, in the lab. After considering this for a while, I've been deeply inspired. I'll be paying some of the world's most bright researchers to bang rocks together and see what kind of cool science stuff they can create. I'm hoping this method will yield results as quickly as I hypothesized it would.
But back too the subject at hand, you can all stop crying, I'm back and better than ever. In fact, during my recent reclusive break from the media, I've devised a plan to become even more popular. I know! It sounded impossible to me too at first, but after the lab boys convinced me that I could continue to grow in awesomeness without causing any time-space anomalies, I was all ears. My advisors told me to step outside every once in a while, to enjoy the fresh air, and reminded me not to stare into that orange ball of light-thing floating in the sky because that is the sun, and in doing so for an extended period of time I would go blind. So yeah, I'm going to become more active in the community. Now if that means joining a public book club, working out at my local fitness center on weekends or helping the elderly cross the street, I'm prepared to do it in order to prove myself to you.
The most important thing I am planning on, however, involves hosting a daily talk show called The Evening Show with Christopher Costello. Check the guide for your television provider for the exact showtimes, which should range from 3:00 PM (when it is first being broadcasted live) to 5:30 PM. The show runs roughly a half-and-hour every day, when I'll be offering my opinions on recent occurrences, local events, and every now and then I'll be sitting down with some other influential people. Now you might be wondering, "Why in the afternoon? Why not wait until the evening, at least?" If you know me, you'll know that I'm way busy starting as soon as the sun starts to go down to about nine in the morning. In fact, in agreeing to do this talk show, I am basically signing a warrant that prevents me from getting any sleep at all. In my talk show, I'll be presenting the more "normal", political side of me, so I guess that makes the sacrifice worth it. I'll be keeping you posted,